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I'm very disappointed in you, Ben Stiller

 

Dear Ben Stiller,

 

I write to you today as a long-time fan.  I fondly remember the early nineties when I was turning my friends on to the Ben Stiller show.  I had picked up on you years before that during your Saturday Night Live stint, and your show confirmed my feeling that I was watching a fine young talent emerge.

 

You were the guy everyone loved to hate in Reality Bites, but I knew you were just showing off your range.  I was happy for you when you popped up in cameos over the next few years, and when you got another big break in The Cable Guy.  I admit it – I became invested in watching your career blossom.

 

There’s Something About Mary?  Classic.  Permanent Midnight?  Dark and riveting.  Meet the Parents?  Forgivable, especially when you redeemed yourself with The Royal Tenenbaums.

 

I believed that you had great things in store for you.  I spent a lot of time defending Zoolander to your many detractors.  Which may be why I feel so completely burned by you now.

 

Mr. Stiller, you were not put on this earth to play a romantic lead.  Meet the Parents worked because your character was utterly contemptible, and you didn’t get in the way of DeNiro’s swan song, which is a letter for another time.  Much like There’s Something About Mary, people were not sitting through your movie in the hopes that true love would triumph in the end; we just wanted to see what new and hilarious disasters would befall you. 

 

I’m afraid that Meet the Parents encouraged your worst instincts and gave us the career we see before us.  I thought you were destined for greatness; A Duplex, a Focking sequel, and a Heartbreak Kid later, and I can hardly remember what I saw in you.  Not to mention the 2004 Razzies where you had the dubious honor of being nominated for worst actor FIVE times.  Sometimes you were just the weak link in an otherwise fine film.  But I sat through Along Came Polly that year, and if that was supposed to be a comedy, I’m going to file a class action suit for false advertising. 

 

Please, Ben Stiller.  I hear from my nieces that the kids movies you’ve been doing are entertaining, but you’re only 42.  It’s too soon to relegate yourself to a G rating – which is exactly what will happen if we have to watch you worm you way into the heart of another beautiful woman.  Go back to your roots, sir, and for fuck’s sake, do something challenging.

 

Yours sincerely,

 

Upton Tuzzi

Comments

( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
philbot
Oct. 31st, 2007 03:12 pm (UTC)
Dodgeball.
love_hatemail
Oct. 31st, 2007 03:21 pm (UTC)
2004 Razzy Nominations for Worst Acting Done by Ben Stiller:

Along Came Polly
Starsky & Hutch
Envy
Dodgeball
Anchorman
philbot
Oct. 31st, 2007 03:22 pm (UTC)
I'll give them every single one except Dodgeball. For that, I'll remove my white glove and slap the Razzy Committee across the face.
hawkmoon268
Oct. 31st, 2007 11:23 pm (UTC)
Envy was HORRID, which was so sad b/c until them I thought Jack Black had trustworthy taste in movie roles.

Then again, I've always hated Ben Stiller.
hawkmoon268
Oct. 31st, 2007 11:23 pm (UTC)
until THEN, that is...
whitefire
Nov. 1st, 2007 04:00 am (UTC)
I actually disliked Reality Bites because Ben was supposed to be the 'bad' guy. I could never figure out why Ethan Hawke was supposed to be desireable despite being a complete prick but Ben Stiller is the villain because he adds florish to Wynona's stilted documentary about her friends so that it can get played on a major network. Seriously now!
misslizzers
Nov. 1st, 2007 03:09 pm (UTC)
You sir, are mistaken
Why would you want Lelaina to end up with a toolbox like Michael when she could have the greatest screen kiss of all time with Troy Dyer?!?!? Troy would never make her listen to Peter Frampton or edit her footage to use her friends' heads as pizza toppings. He GETS her, man.

Obviously, everything I value in a relationship I learned from Reality Bites. I like boys who rock and I will never ride in a Lexus.
(Anonymous)
Nov. 2nd, 2007 04:15 am (UTC)
Re: You sir, are mistaken
555-1111, call me.
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )