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You have wrestled your way into my heart



To: Zach “The Denihilator” Thomas

From: Princess Zahara of Jordan


Zach, my love, how long has it been since the esteemed and prophetically named Heartland Wrestling Association brought you to Jordan and into my arms?  I will never forget the night I saw you enter the ring at the royal palace and throw off your robe.  I watched from the shadows as your muscles gleamed and you strutted about in your little red pants.  Your opponent was no match for you as you flung him against the ropes like a lifeless sack of bulgur wheat, each time courageously shouting, “DENIED!”  I felt my heart race as you finished him with a cradle pile driver, and I knew I could not rest until I had won the love of the Denihilator.


Dear one, I crave your passionate embrace, and I tremble remembering the way you called me your desert blossom.  Where are you tonight?  I trace my fingers over the strange, foreign words; Muncie, Saginaw, Kokomo.  Is it beautiful where you are?  Are you lying awake, fighting a concussion?  Or are you dreaming of me? 


No one can ever know of our love, or I fear I would lose everything.  His majesty, my father is a difficult man.  But my 20th birthday approaches, and I have heard whispers that I am to have my own private jet.  My darling, I will fly to you, far from my father’s spies, and we will walk hand in hand along the shores of your Lake Erie, your long, flowing locks glowing in the Middle Western sun.


A thousand kisses,